Counterfeit Identity vs Spiritual Identity
There are three ways a human defines his identity while growing up:
- By copying your parents
- By rebelling against your parents
- By self-creation
Running the programs 1 and 2 not being entirely free and joyous but based on insecurity, tend to cause problems later in life. Simply determine which of your behaviours are copied from your parents (there are more than you suspect), which are a subconscious or conscious rebellion against your parents (there are more than you suspect) and which are self-created (there are less than you suspect). Be brutally honest in listing this. For example, your entire career or love-life or health situation or political outlook may be based on running a 1 or 2 program.
If you find out that that is so, that does not mean you have to quit your career or relationship. It just means you realize that you are running a program that is based on much deeper motivations, some of which are negative. You can then make the conscious decision to either abort the program or to continue it. But it will then be consciously decided and not running on default. That career or relationship or view of the world or whatever it was that was based on a 1 or 2 program will then feel different and yield more success and joy. Creation in-opposition-to or as-copy-of never works as good as creation-out-of-the-blue. Something that is created that is not based on anything previous (at least not entirely) but comes as an “inspiration from above“ has the power to make a real impact.
So just who do you think you are? You can approach this by making a list of “I am______“ statements, followed by an indication whether its a 1,2 or 3 program. Those “I am“ statements can regard your health, your love life, your spiritual views, your political views, your career, your financial state, your well-being, your circle of friends and any trait you think you have.
Once you have determined the program-1 items, try to remember an instance from your childhood where you saw the same thing in your parents. Really try to look into this, it will surprise you. For example, I am very orderly. When I was younger I was very unorderly. If I recall my childhood, my mother was demanding orderliness in our household. I recall many such instances. That means that in my twenties I was running a 2-program (rebellion) by being unorderly and in my 30s I am running a 1-program by being orderly. So on the subject of order/chaos I was never quite free, my behavior was always based on desire (to be like my parents) and resistance (to be different than my parents). Once you can actually see this (and it only takes a few minutes in Meditation to find examples from your childhood), you are free from it.
Once you have determined program-2 items, try to remember an instance from your childhood where you saw the opposite of that in your parents. Really try to look into this, it will surprise you. For example, I used writing books as a rebellion against my parents narrow religious views. I did succeed in writing books, but it did not make me happy. Why did it not make me happy? Because at a much deeper level it was being run by the motivation of revenge instead of the joy of creative expression. I realized this when I was 25 (and had already written several books) and released my resentment. I then made the conscious decision to write only when I enjoyed writing and only about what I enjoyed.
After your Meditation, see if you either wish to Abort certain identities and realities or make a conscious decision to continue with them. The entire process may take a few hours or it may take a few weeks and even months to process the full depth of this issue. Don’t rush it. Just realize that who you are may not be as self-determined as you thought it was.
A meditation coach will be able to help you to define your identity more precisely.
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